Hey friends! Tiffany Dawn here and I am really excited for today's video I've actually tried filming it four times now so I'm hoping that this time it will feel like it clicks

But um I want to talk about how far is too far and how to set boundaries physically in dating relationships! And I have four tips that helped James and I as we set our boundaries and I'm hoping that they can help you too as you're setting your personal boundaries So let's get started So tip number one is: Reframe the question So when James and I started dating, we started asking the question: How far is too far? So we knew what the Bible said about saving sex for marriage and that was something we decided as kids that we wanted to do, but there's a whole range of things you can do before you get to actually having sex, right? Like can you hold hands? Can you kiss? Can you make out? Can you sleep in the same bed? Can you take each other's clothes off? Like what can you do? And so we started like trying to figure out like, what's the right answer here? We want to make sure we're doing what's right and as we're looking through the Bible again we realize like there's not a specific Bible verse that's like, "Thou can hold hands but thou must not kiss before the wedding night" Like there's just not something that's so specific like that

And so James and I were like, "What's the right answer here? How far is too far?" And that's when James said something that I thought was really insightful And he said, "Maybe we're asking the wrong question Maybe instead of asking, 'How far is too far?' — which is kind of like how much can I get away with without sinning — maybe instead we should be asking, 'How can I honor God in this dating relationship? How can we honor God even in our physical relationship in dating, with what we do and what we don't do?'" And I love that because it totally changes the focus Like how far is too far is kind of me centered, right? It's like, well what can I do, what can I get away with? But how can I honor God becomes very God-centered, like Lord I want to honor you in this area of my life Teach me how to do that

And that helps push you closer to God as well And I think as you seek God for that, He'll start to make that clear to you through your conscience, through conversations with other people, as you read His word, that will start to become clear So that brings us to tip number two, which is use the biblical principles So there's a lot of principles you see in the Bible that can be applied to this situation So three in particular that come to mind are number one: Fleeing temptation

So are the boundaries that you put in place, are they encouraging temptation? Are they putting you in the way of temptation or are they encouraging you to flee from temptation? So one example for us personally was we decided not to sleep in the same bed before we got married, not to stay overnight sleeping in bed together And the reason for that was because we felt like that for us would not be fleeing temptation; it would be opening a door for us to want to run through toward temptation instead of away from it Especially because like the more tired you get and at night your inhibitions go down a little bit and you're more inclined to do things that you might not do in the middle of the day And so we found that for us, fleeing temptation meant not sharing a bed together Another biblical principle is really loving the people around you

So asking the question like, "Am I loving my significant other in the way we're going about our physical relationship?" My mentors once told me: "A guy should be sending you home with a clean conscience every night; that should be one of his goals" And that's a way to love somebody So asking "Am I sending James home with a clean conscience? Is he sending me home with a clean conscience? Are we loving each other by not pushing each other's boundaries, but by helping each other be faithful to them?" And a third biblical principle that we found was looking for wise counsel and not trying to make all these decisions on our own, with what felt right to us, but really getting wise counsel from other people that we trusted And that brings me to tip number three, which is interview some wise trusted people

So this might sound super weird and like nothing that a normal human being would ever do, and that's okay because I'm not normal, I have never claimed to be, and I never will be And I love going around and asking people questions about their life so I can learn from them So one of the weird things I did that was actually super helpful is James and I sat down with several couples who were married and asked them, "What were your boundaries before you got married and what do you wish they had been and why?" And it was actually really interesting to hear all their answers So I'll just share with you a few of the thoughts that we got from people So one couple actually waited for their first kiss on their wedding night

I think they held hands before they got married but they saved the first kiss for the wedding Another couple had wanted to save sex for marriage but ended up having sex with each other before they got married And we were really intrigued by this situation because we're like, "Well you still married each other, so what was that like for you?" And they said something really interesting They said for that for them personally, it actually caused a lot of hurt that they needed to work through, because they said that they were gonna wait till marriage but then they didn't, so it felt like a breakdown of trust and communication, and like there was some hurt that they had to work through even though they ended up marrying each other That was really interesting to us

And then we found couples kind of in the middle We found couples who didn't share a bed before marriage, couples who didn't touch each other where the other person's undergarments went, couples who didn't take each other's clothes off or see each other naked or even partially naked before marriage And it was so cool to get to hear from different people what they had done, what they were glad they did, and what they wished they had done That was so helpful And it's so important to find outside wise advice and realize that the way that you lived your life now will have an impact on your future

And that's not to say there's not healing and forgiveness; like God makes everything new and He forgives and restores and I actually have a video linked down below called: Sex: If you want to wait again So if you're in a place where you're like, "I've had sex before, I wish I hadn't, I want to start over," that video's for you And so there is just – God can make everything new But the choices that we make now will affect us in the future And so instead of trying to make the choice all on your own, it's so helpful to find people you trust to get their wise opinions

And the last tip is start the conversation ahead of time, but make sure it's an ongoing conversation So you want to start having this conversation towards the beginning of your relationship so you're not like in the moment, the heat of the moment, and you're like, "What are our boundaries? I have no idea; we haven't talked about it yet!" Actually talk about it before you get into that place But you also want to keep talking about it; keep having the conversation to check in with each other like, "How are things going? Is there anything you've been convicted about? Is there anything on your heart or that you're feeling guilty about or that you think we should do differently to really honor God in our relationship?" And just keep that conversation going And that's a way to love the person that you're dating So in closing, a question that I get a lot is: Was it worth waiting to have sex until your wedding? Because that is what James and I ended up doing

We saved sex for marriage and our wedding night was the first time we got naked together, the first time we touched each other in certain places, the first time we shared a bed together for the night, and it was so beautiful and special and intimate And my answer that question is I have no regrets about that Yes it was worth the wait, with all my heart I say yes And that doesn't mean that it was the best sex we'd ever have in our lives because sex is something that you practice and you get better at, but it was so special to get to start that journey together And we didn't wish we'd practiced with other people, because sex is very personal and so it's me learning what James likes and him learning what I like

And it's been so special to get to go on that journey together And so if you are also a couple who's engaged and you're saving sex for marriage, I have a video series for you It's called The Wedding Night Talks and it is $2499 It's linked down below and it's basically ten videos that share everything we would want you to know about sex before your wedding to help you have a great sex life in marriage, because that is our goal and our heart for every married couple to have an amazing sex life in marriage, and that's what this video series is all about

So girls I hope that this can encourage you Comment below your thoughts, what you would add to this conversation about setting boundaries in dating relationships Love you girls and see you next week Bye!